Real quick: I feel sad about being slow

I have been thisclose to officially declaring that I will not be completing the Harvest Moon 70.3 in September. Work just got nuts, and while I love my job, this is probably the busiest month I have had since I have been here. I can’t put in a ton of extra hours at the office and then still train. One, I’m too damn tired, and two, my gym is only open from 5 am to 9 pm.

Even when I was planning on an ideal training schedule I was still figuring roughly an hour to swim, four hour bike, and a three hour run, figuring I’d be just squeaking in under the 8 hour cutoff time.

Well, I swam a mile last weekend in open water and it took…an hour. That puts me on pace for a 1:12 swim.

When I have ridden my bike on the actual course, I’ve averaged 12 mph, putting me on pace for a 4:40 bike.

I finished a half marathon in May in 2:48. It was an overall downhill course, and I’m assuming I will be slower after having swam a mile and ridden 56. So, 3:00?

That puts me at close to 9 hours. Without transitions. Sigh.

Now, to be fair, I was definitely taking my time at my swim last weekend. I can go faster.

And when I rode the bike course, I only rode the super duper hilly parts, none of the flats.

The run, well. I got nothing. Last summer I was at least in the 11s. I don’t think I’ve broken 12 minute miles all year. (I blame my 30th birthday.)

Sooooo. Ugh. On the one hand, I really would love to just not do this race, get part of my life back and just not torture myself for the next six weeks. It’s supposed to be fun, not make me feel anxious and guilty.

On the other hand, I’ve been prepping for this all year. Am I going to waste all the time I have spent training? And this was my big 2012 goal. I really don’t want to feel like I left this unfinished and have to do it again next year.

Right now, the plan is this: do the very best I can on race day, but give myself permission to just walk off the damn course if I feel like it. If it’s not fun, if I feel miserable, I’m out.

I feel really silly about letting this stress me out so much. I have cried about a few times.

I just really want it to be over already.

Not a total Debbie Downer though! I’m registering for two shorter races on either side of this one. So at least if I totally faceplant, I can have a fun race before and after.

This is long. And boring. But I had a few free minutes and wanted to vent. Now I am headed to the gym and I am going to kill myself on the spin bike until they close.


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