I kind of hate to see the word “confession” in a blog post because it’s never really a confession. It’s always this check-out-how-quirky-I-am thing. It’s not something you’re actually going to find horrifying, it’s usually something meant to be adorable. I mean, you see “confessions” about being obsessed with mason jars or not getting the hype around a tv show or listening to dorky music when you work out. You don’t see confessions about not having ever cleaned your refrigerator or peeking at your friends phone while they went to the bathroom. (Neither of those are true about me.)
So, here’s something possibly quirky and adorable about me that I think is actually a really bad habit that might get me killed one day. I yell at people while I’m riding my bike.
I did it three times this morning, which is what got me thinking that I may have a problem.
Yell number one: I was waiting behind a car at a red light and watching him play with his phone. The light changed, still on his phone. “GET OFF YOUR PHONE, DUDE!” I yelled.
Yell number two: Not really a yell, but I was behind a Jaguar in traffic, and one of his brake lights was out. At the next stop light he was going straight, and I was turning right, so when I pulled up next to him in the turn lane, I motioned for him to roll his window down and politely told him he has a brake light out. He said thanks but looked kind of weirded out. Which I get. People talking to you in traffic is weird.
Yell number three: I stopped at a red light in the bike lane. Directly across the intersection, two cyclists looked back at me. What’s wrong with this picture? Stupid bike salmon. I gave them a head tilted quizzical look across the intersection, and as we passed each other I yelled. “GUYS, THIS IS A ONE WAY STREET.” Well, they were pretty close to me so I didn’t have to yell very loud.
And then yesterday, this is a bad one, I watched a girl on a B-cycle nearly get flattened when she snuck up past a line of cars at a stop light, passing on the right.The light changed, we all went forward, and she was nearly hit as both of the first two cars in line were trying to turn right. And I yelled “THAT’S A GREAT WAY TO GET HIT BY A CAR.” Because I am horrible and rude and unbelievably snotty about bike safety,
I generally value decorum, but I can’t stop yelling at people when I’m on my bike.