Can’t Afford To Get Married? Just Fake Being Engaged!

Can’t Afford To Get Married? Just Fake Being Engaged!

Oh, Jezebel. Normally I love you, but this article is d-u-m-b.

I have grappled with the correct word to refer to Chris for years. (We are approaching a dozen years together and are very, very happily unmarried. We save money on taxes and the hippie wackadoo deep inside of me doesn’t have to feel icky about getting a license from the state for our relationship.) It has never occurred to me to just call him my fiance because…that’s not what that word means.

I have, maybe two or three times in my life, referred to him as my husband when it was really just easier and I was talking to strangers and it didn’t matter. Once was when he had been pulled out for extra screening by TSA and someone asked me why I was loitering around the check area.

But usually ‘partner’ is fine, if a bit clinical. More often than not, here’s a crazy idea, I just refer to him by his name. Even if someone hasn’t met him, if I say “Oh yeah, Chris loves that band, we saw them in concert last summer,” whoever I’m talking to will surely just infer that this is My Person. I’ve never had someone look at me quizically and ask “Sooooo is that your roommate? Boyfriend? Husband? Gay guy pal?”

Anyways. I have been reading a lot of Jezebel lately and liking a lot of what they put out there. But this is pretty silly.

5 thoughts on “Can’t Afford To Get Married? Just Fake Being Engaged!

  1. Yea, that is weird article. I totally agree with not getting married – although I am married – it makes buying a house together and having children much easier – but otherwise I tell most of my friends who are not planning on either of the above to just skip the drama! At the end of the day, it’s just a legal contract.

  2. Both this article and the Slate one they link to seem to hate the term “partner.” Jezebel calls it “too liberal arts professor” and Slate reserves it for people in California and New York. I think “partner” is a great word for people in committed relationships and I like that it suggests balance and equality. (Of course, I *am* a liberal arts prof, so…)

    But at any rate, this fake engagement phenomenon is bizarre to me. (I certainly know more people who use the term “partner” than “fiancé(e)” to indicate that status.)

    • I use ‘partner’ but feel bit silly even after all these years I feel a little silly about it so I’ve been really committed (ha) to just saying “Chris” lately. Or sometimes “My Chris,” which generally works in conversation because there are 100 million Chris’s. I think Chris embraces ‘partner’ more than I do.

      My biggest issue with partner is that it seems to have this “tee hee maybe I’m talking about a GIRL” to it, so if I do use it I try to quickly throw in a gendered pronoun as well.

      But fiance is just dumb. I would no more refer to Chris as my fiance as I would call him my ex-husband.

  3. We’ve been married for years and it still feels weird to say “my husband” – he is always just Chris or “My Chris” (for the reasons you mentioned above). I think I called him my fiance maybe 3 times in the 2 years we were engaged. He is Chris to me, why can’t he just be Chris to everyone else?

    And honestly, with the partner “ooh, is it a girl” thing…I’d probably have fun with it and let people jump to conclusions just for fun.


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