I’m sorry to do this

Yesterday was one of those days when I got fired up. Like, stuff happened that was so dumb I couldn’t stop complaining about it and feeling self-righteous and annoyed and wronged. I got myself worked up into a “Seriously?! Are you kidding me with this? You really just said that? Ridiculous!” tizzy.

I was getting riled up about two things: work, and Gossip Girl. I was in a State after work and thought a bubble bath plus guilty pleasure tv might make me feel more relaxed, but then this week’s episode of Gossip Girl turned out to be maybe the worst 42 minutes of television I have ever watched.

I don’t care to put much of anything on the internet about my job (I love my job, this was just random ridiculousness). I’m going to channel all of my ire from work silliness and my exasperation at this tv show into a list of things that were utterly stupid and ridiculous about this week’s episode of Gossip Girl. I’m sorry. Move along. It’s fine.

  • The previews/commercials all showed scenes from the hospital, the immediate aftermath of the car accident. So why was the ENTIRE episode set a few months (weeks?) later? I kept thinking I had missed an episode.
  • The opening scene I really thought was one of those movie dream sequences. It felt so awkward. I kept thinking we were going to realize this was someone’s coma dream in the hospital.
  • Promises you make to god when you’re scared don’t count. No one thinks this. They are not a reason to marry someone if you don’t want to.
  • Even if they were, what kind of promise is…”I will marry this man I don’t love if you let this other guy I DO love live”? No. Promise to be a good person! To give to the poor! To be nice to the minions! Marrying someone when you don’t want to isn’t the kind of inherently good thing you promise to god.
  • If Chuck was just in a bad car accident, didn’t it seem weird that he was totally unrattled when he almost got hit by that taxi?
  • I’m so sick of Chuck and Blair realizing they love each other and then coming up with stupid reasons they can’t be together. Divine intervention is even dumber than when Chuck sold her to his uncle or when they broke up because Blair didn’t want to live in Chuck’s shadow, or when he slept with Jenny, or when he stood her up because his dad said he should, or when she ditched him because he was mean to Dan. Enough!
  • Here’s a plausible reason Dan and Blair were photographed sneaking around: because Dan and Serena are secretly dating! Wait…what?
  • Gossip Girl is inexplicably kaput. What happened to her? And now there is NO gossip on the internet now that one site is down?
  • Why would everyone randomly start emailing Serena? That makes no sense. And why do people still care about her? She’s still sort of famous in this fake NYC? What is she even blogging about?
  • If the family is so famous, why doesn’t the real Charlie Rhodes recognize Lily? If not because she’s this allegedly high profile person in the newspaper, wouldn’t she have, you know, SEEN pictures of her aunt ever?
  • Oh yeah. PS, by the way, Blair miscarried. No big deal. Mentioned off hand, given something like a 30 second scene.
  • Nate wants to investigate this car accident by talking to the driver so…invite him to my New Year’s Eve party!
  • Why is the NYE episode airing in mid-January?
  • Why does Louis (a world famous, tabloid fodder prince) think that it’s a good idea to publicly accuse Blair of cheating on him in a room full of journalists?

It’s like they fired all of the writers and just pieced together scripts from bad fan fiction. I just can’t. I’m too old. I think I’m done.