So, I got heckled the other day while running. Called ugly, which was kind of weird because I expected it to make me feel really rattled, but I just didn’t.

Too bad, random yell-y dude! There are lots of things you could have yelled at me that would have actually made me feel bummed.

“You slow!”

Good god I am. And it makes me sadder than it should. I’m just not built for running, I find it incredibly difficult, and I always languish somewhere close to 12 minute miles. I wonder if I will ever be faster.

“Just give up on the resolution now!”

Heh. It’s January, meaning the resolution makers are out in full force. I normally do not mind. My gym is small, so it gets crowded fast, but whatever. You wait a little. You do something else. I actually kind of like it because there are people who are running even slower than I am on the treadmill, and people swimming even slower than I do in the pool. I know it’s bad but it makes me feel a little awesome. Privately, in my head. And on the internet.

But no matter how much I swim, bike, run, lift, yoga, or whatever, I always feel like I look like a beginner. When I run outside, people on the street will give me random encouragement, “Keep it up!” as though I look like I’m about to die or something. Even if I feel fine, I just don’t look like a runner, which brings me to…

“What up, jiggle-puff!”

So, this isn’t, like, the very best picture of what I’m talking about, but I snapped this the other day, because I have these new compression tights I got for Christmas and mother they are tight! So I was sort of taking photos to assure myself I didn’t look too ridiculous (because as Cher Horowitz taught us…don’t trust mirrors!), plus I wanted to document how you can completely see them digging into my waist (without a top on I look…it’s just ridiculous. I don’t understand how it’s not painful…)

Anyways. I ended up on a treadmill the other day that was like right in front of a mirror and so I had to watch myself for 30 minutes and I was like, wow, that’s what I look like?

“WOW. Boobs. And Hips. And thighs. And boobs! They’re just…there they are!”

This is part of the reason I always look like a resolution-er and I’m very slow. I don’t have the right body for running, and sometimes I just feel rally wrapped-in-spandex-but-naked.

Which is all to say that sometimes I hate running, and sometimes it’s because it makes me feel really, really self-conscious, but honestly random dude telling me I’m ugly doesn’t really throw me off because slow and awkward and jiggly? Yes. Ugly? Not buying it.